"Kimmy Goes on a Date!" is the 3rd episode of the Netflix original series, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt.
Kimmy and Jaqueline try to hide their pasts, while Titus lies to Lillian about money so he can spend it on headshots for his future.
When Kimmy has a nightmare about being stuck in the bunker again, she wakes up attacking Titus on his bed. She apologizes, wondering what’s wrong with her. Later that day, she goes to Jacqueline’s house. Jacqueline tells her that she has therapy that day, which costs $500 an hour. Kimmy thinks therapy is a great idea to help her own problems.
Meanwhile, Titus tries to hide the little money he has from Lillian, who he thinks will take it away immediately for rent. While sneaking away to pose for headshots, Lillian catches him and inquires why he’s wearing a suit. Titus quickly fibs, saying that he’s going to a funeral, and pretends to cry. However, his plan backfires when Lillian is so sympathetic that she insists to come with him.
Later, Buckley’s tutor tells Jacqueline that he needs to learn some information about her side of the family, for a family tree project at school. Jacqueline is reluctant to share anything about her parents, and simply says that it doesn’t matter. Her flashback reveals that she was actually brought up in a Native American family. Rebelling against her family’s culture, she dyed her hair blonde and got blue eye color contacts, and left when she was young. Jacqueline asks Kimmy for her phone number, but Kimmy states she doesn’t have one, so Jacqueline gives her one of her old phones to us. Xan demands to know what Kimmy’s past is like, but Kimmy lies, saying her last name is “Smith” and that she’s from Ohio, which Buckley’s tutor finds interesting. Noticing Kimmy’s awkwardness, Jacqueline sets her up to go to lunch with a man named Gram Bendel, which will help her socialize with people better. At lunch, Kimmy is excited that she’ll be able to finally tell someone her secrets, but it turns out that Gram is an elderly man, who has gone crazy. Kimmy at first is disappointed, but then realizes that she can say all she wants to him without any consequences, which helps get things off her chest.
Titus takes Lillian to the nearest funeral nearby, which happens to be for an Asian man. Lillian assumes that Titus will sing for the funeral, but Titus sings an awkward song about making love, which causes Lillian to unravel the situation.
Later, Kimmy goes to dinner with Gram but realizes that she actually needs someone who will listen to her problems instead of forgetting them. In the confusion, Gram thinks that she is a German spy, disguised as a French prostitute. He then chases her out of the restaurant with a fork.
Meanwhile, Jacqueline finds a small black streak in her dyed blonde, which makes her remember the last time she saw her parents. She had explained to them that the reason she went to New York was so that she could be successful and eventually bring them to live with her. However, her parents told her that they didn’t want to live with her, calling her selfish.
Lillian is mad at Titus for lying, but he says it’s all her fault that he didn’t get his headshots taken. When Lillian realizes that the money he had hidden was put towards finding a job, she happily gives it back to him. However, a thief sprints by, stealing the money from Titus’ hand, ruining the moment.
As Gram slowly pursues her with his cane, Kimmy runs into Jacqueline, who is jogging. Gram eventually forgets that he’s following them, and when Kimmy and Jacqueline get home, Xan attacks Kimmy, saying that she googled her and there is no evidence of her life. To Kimmy’s surprise, Jacqueline puts Xan back in her place by telling her people come to New York so that they can forget their pasts and start fresh, before telling her daughter to go to her room.
Kimmy runs into Buckley’s tutor in the kitchen, who says that he went with Buckley to his sports while Kimmy was at lunch. He then says he’d like to join her the next time she goes, which she accepts.