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This article is a transcript of the Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt episode "Kimmy Goes to School!" from season 1.

Characters
Kimmy Schmidt
Titus Andromedon
Lillian Kaushtupper
Dong Nguyen
Mr Lefkovitz
Club Owner
Deborah
Ronald (Former Student)
Xanthippe Voorhees
Simone
Mike Stampone
Dylan
Lou Brown (on television)
Locations
New York City
Titus and Kimmy's Apartment
School
Nero's Castle
Abandoned Chandelier Factory
Manhattan
The Voorhees's House
This transcript is complete

Transcript[]

[Kimmy and Titus are leaving their apartment]
Titus: I'm so proud of you, Lil' Kim, going back to school like a little redheaded Rodney Dangerfield.
Kimmy: I can't wait. There's so many things I don't know, like what that is or those or that.
Titus: Bus, pants, car, Kimmy.
Kimmy: Oh, right. Bad examples. I'm just so excited. I'm gonna get my GED.
Titus: I wish I had done that. I did not enjoy my high school experience.
Kimmy: Oh, I bet it was tough for you.
[Flashback to Titus in high school, in which he is a star football player]
Boy: Hey, man, great game. That end zone dance was sick.
Titus: Yes, I love sports.
Girl: You're gonna take my virginity tonight.
Titus: Okay.
[End of flashback]
Titus: Ugh. That crown I got from being prom king was so tacky, I hardly even wear it anymore.
[They arrive at the school]
Kimmy: Well, this is it. I feel like a butterfly bursting from its "crystalish" and falling from the nest.
Titus: Yeah, you need this education.
[Titus motions to hug Kimmy]
Kimmy: [scoffs] Titus.
Titus: Don't be embarrassed of your Titus.
Kimmy: What if the other uneducated adults see me?
Titus: Fine. I hope someday when you're a gay, black man, you have a Kimmy that treats you like this.
[Kimmy begrudgingly hugs him, then walks towards the door]
Titus: I love you. Don't get lice.



[Lillian enters the apartment to find Titus]
Lillian: Hey, what do you need my camera for? Are you doing some kind of gotcha journalism, where you dress up in whiteface and see if people treat you different? 'Cause I could tell you one thing, I wouldn't be asking all these questions if a white guy asked to borrow my camera.
Titus: Lillian, I'm making a music video.
Lillian: Oh, you should do We Didn't Start the Fire with updated lyrics. [to the tune of "We Didn't Start the Fire" by Billy Joel] Ballon boy and Obamacare. The 1% are billionaires.
Titus: I will be performing a wholly original song. The idea came to me in a dream last afternoon. It's called Peeno Noir...
Lillian: Classy.
Titus: ... An Ode to Black Penis.
Lillian: I assumed.
Titus: It needs to look fancy, so our first location will be the strip club with the columns out front.
Lillian: Nero's Castle.
Titus: Got my costume changes, my cocoa butter, my rhyming dictionary. Let's get started.
Lillian: Rhyming dictionary? You haven't written the song yet?
Titus: [scoffs] Lyrics are the least important part of any song, Lillian. I've got a title, a beat, and an attitude. As long as it rhymes, everything will be fines.
Lillian: I was wrong to doubt you.



[Kimmy is unpacking her backpack as class starts]
Dong Nguyen: [to Kimmy] Hello. I am Dong.
Kimmy: Hi... [chuckles] Dong. I'm Kimmy.
Dong: [chuckles] In Vietnam, "kim-mi" means penis.
[The teacher enters the class and groans]
Mr. Lefkovitz: I could've been on a boat at the boat store right now.
[He writes his name on the chalkboard, but doesn't write anything past the "L"]
Mr. Lefkovitz: [to the students] All right, what do I got this time? an ex-con, immigrant. Thought this was the post office.
[An old woman who thought the classroom was the post office sneaks out]
Mr. Lefkovitz: Et cetera.
[Kimmy gives him a thumbs up]
Mr. Lefkovitz: This is GED prep. Today's lesson, the 1989 Tom Berenger movie Major League.
Kimmy: I'm sorry. We're just gonna watch a movie?
Mr. Lefkovitz: No. Thank you for asking. You're also gonna have to monitor my breathing. Hurricane Sandy took my sleep apnea machine, so, you know, waking up is not a given.
[Mr. Lefkovitz puts his tie over his eyes and takes a nap as the movie begins]
Kimmy: What are we supposed to learn from this?
Dong: Shh, you make-a Dong miss a shot of Cleveland.



[Lillian is filming Titus in front of Nero's Castle]
Titus: I'm ready, Lillian. Call my phone.
Titus: Oh, yeah.
[She calls him, and an upbeat ringtone plays]
Lillian: Action.
[Titus begins singing to the ringtone]
Titus: [Singing] Peeno Noir, caviar. Peeno Noir, Myanmar. Peeno Noir, candy bar. [No longer singing] It went to voice mail. Call it again.
[Lillian begins to redial when the owner of the strip club shows up]
Club Owner: No wonder no one's in there. You're scaring away the creeps.
[The screen shows an old man with a bouquet of flowers embarrassed to enter]
Club Owner: I'm trying to run a business here.
Titus: Madam, please. This is the fanciest-looking place in the neighborhood, after the abandoned chandelier factory. Let us shoot here, and I'll pay you 100 bugs.
Club Owner: Did you just say "bugs"?
Titus: Run, Lillian!
Lillian: Aah! Oh, no!
[The two run off]



[Back at the school, class, as well as the movie, has just finished]
Kimmy: Excuse me, Teach? Are we just gonna watch a movie again tomorrow?
Mr. Lefkovitz: Isn't tomorrow Saturday?
Kimmy: It's Tuesday.
Mr. Lefkovitz: Damn it.
Kimmy: This is important to me. I want to learn real stuff, like why the sky is blue or why tree clams are so delicious. Sorry, on the east coast you call them "pistachios."
Mr. Lefkovitz: Look, my teaching style may be unconventional, but...
[He exits the room without another word]



[Kimmy enters the principal's office]
Kimmy: [sighs] I need to speak to the principal.
Deborah: You can't. He's dead... [coughs] serious about education, so he went to a conference in Hartford.
Kimmy: Well, then can you help me? I want to transfer to another GED class.
Deborah: Another? Honey, we just got the one, you know, budget cuts.
Kimmy: Oh. Is that why the fall-dance theme is Gymnasium? [sighs] Look, I'm not a tattletale, but our teacher stinks like a week-old sea pistachio. I'm sorry, "oyster." And if I'm gonna pass the GED, I need a real teacher, like in all those movies where a white lady sits backwards in a chair and raps Shakespeare, and the class is like, "That was Shakespeare? Poetry is dope!"
Deborah: Oh, boy, Lefkovitz is teaching GED? Between you, me, and a former student we think is living in the air ducts... [air duct rattles] Lefkovitz is on very thin ice with the school district and the teachers union. One more screwup, and he'll never teach again. If you want to lodge a complaint...
Kimmy: Oh, no, no, no. I don't want to get anyone in trouble. [sighs] I just want to get my high-school diploma.
Deborah: Look, I shouldn't tell you this, but I could just sell you one.
Ronald: I heard that, Deborah! Now who's not telling on whom?
Deborah: Damn it! Ronald!
[Deborah grabs a stick to bang against the wall]
Ronal: Oh, no. You're getting the stick? I'm so scared. Is that all you got?



[Titus and Lillian are watching a recording from their filming of the music video in the abandoned chandelier factory, as a swarm of bats began to fly in]
Titus (singing): Peeno Noir, mid-sized car. Peeno Noir, tiki bar.
Lillian: Oh, Jesus, bats!
Titus: Waah!
[The two scream as they rush to get out]
Lillian: The singing-- the singing woke up the bats.
[Titus turns the TV off]
Titus: I feel like we're not capturing the elegance we discussed in the production meeting.
[Kimmy enters the apartment with a paper bag full of school books]
Lillian: Ah, how was school, dear?
Kimmy: I don't know what to do. My teacher doesn't want to teach, but I don't want to get him fired. Also, this Vietnamese guy made fun of my name.
Lillian: Right, "Kim-mi." What were your parents thinking?
Titus: Teachers have it tough. One of my Aunt Ernestines taught sixth grade. After years of buying school supplies out of her own pocket for future dropouts, she stopped caring. She quit. Wound up walking the streets selling drugs. Hmm. She's a pharmaceutical rep. I phrased that so badly.
Kimmy: That's what happened to Mr. L. After working at a broke inner-city school all these years, he lost his love of teaching.
Titus: But what can you do about it, Kimmy?
Kimmy: I'm gonna make him remember why he became a teacher in the first place. Titus, can you do me a favor tomorrow?
Titus: On Martin Luther King's birthday?
Kimmy: I'm not falling for that a fourth time, Titus. Can you go to Jacqueline's house for me? The staff has the week off while she's away, and I need to check on the place, get the mail, water the plants, make sure there's fresh flowers in the panic room.
Titus: Wait. You mean that beautiful mansion with the staircase, the marble floors, the curtains that are intended to be curtains-- [gestures towards curtains] Those are coffin linings.-- That place is empty?
[Kimmy nods]
Titus: Kimmy, have you heard of the term "quid prom quote"?
Kimmy: Mm-mm.
Titus: I will watch Jacqueline's house if Lillian and I can finish shooting my music video there.
Kimmy: No, Titus, I can't--
Titus: Please, I need the production value. I need it, baby.
Kimmy: Fine. Quid prong conch. But make it quick, and don't touch anything.
Lillian: Oh, they'll never even know we were there. I sanded off my fingerprints years ago.



[Titus and Lillian enter the Voorhees' house]
Lillian: So this is Julian Voorhees' house. Wall Street royalty. Ha! You know what we need is another Titanic. Thin the herd a little bit. [laughs]
Titus: Let's get started.
Lillian: Yeah, just a second. I promised myself if I ever got in here, I would do to his toilets what he did to the American middle class.
[Titus begins recording the music video in multiple different house locations and outfits]
Titus (singing): Peeno Noir, shooting star. Under par. Teri Garr, Jamie Farr. These are '70s TV Stars.
[Lillian cockily leaves a bathroom as Titus, dressed as a construction worker, plans the final shot of the music video]
Titus: Okay, this is the last shot, the opening of the video. We see a tough, blue-collar worker. Maybe he's a car fixer or something with ladders. Then through the power of Peeno Noir, he's transformed into what the French call... [gibberish]
Lillian: Ripped from the headlines.
[Lillian dials Titus's phone so the background of the song plays, but when Titus backs up, the curtain rod breaks]
Lillian: Oh, I'm out of here.
Titus: No! No, no, no, no, no! You have to help me. I have to finish my video.
Lillian: I love you, Titus, but this is a billionaire's house, and I got priors.
Titus: Lillian! Lillian, wait!



[Lillian is rushing down the street, speaking on the phone]
Lillian: Eight Ball, it's me. If anyone asks, I've been with you all day.
[Lillian passes Xanthippe, who's texting her friend, Simone, as she's walking towards her house]
Xanthippe's text: i m screwed! my 🏠 is trashed from last nite & parents r coming home.
Xanthippe's text: help me clean up!!!
Simone's text: Can't. Dylan sed i cud 🚬 w them @ park if I showed 👙
[It's revealed that the two are texting each other while walking side by side]
Xanthippe's text: my dad's gonna ☠ me!!!
Simone's text: sorry 😳 👍
Xanthippe's text: btw 🍭 ⛄ 🚽 📫 👻
Simone's text: 🍎 👠 ⏰ 🌰
Xanthippe's text: so tru



[Titus is still in the house, trying to fix the curtain rod with Spirit Gum]
Titus: Come on, Spirit Gum. If you can keep Obama's human mask on over his lizard face, hashtag lizard truth, surely you can do this.
[Xanthippe enters the house]
Xanthippe: Who the hell are you?
Titus: I am a handyman... hired by Jacqueline to fix this curtain rod with my tools from my tool sash.
Xanthippe: Right. That reminds me-- there's actually a few more things she wants you to fix... today.
Titus: Well, that's what I do for my job.
[They enter the dirty kitchen]
Titus: [high-pitched voice] Damn, girl!
[Xanthippe glances at him]
Titus: [clears throat, deep voice] Damn, girl.



[A kid passes Mr. Lefkovitz in the hall]
Mr Lefkovitz: Hey, kid. No gum. Spit it out.
[The kid hands over his chewed gum, and Mr. Lefkovitz puts it in his mouth]
[Kimmy enters]
Kimmy: Hey, Mr. L. I was just thinking about our conversation earlier. I know that being a teacher isn't easy, especially when you're trying to get through to kids who don't even want to be here.
Mr. Lefkovitz: Look, I could stand here all day and stare at the reflection of your can in the water fountain, but I'm kind of busy. The kids leave all kinds of things behind when there's a fire drill, so...
[He clicks a lighter]
Kimmy: But I do want to be here. I want to learn. I just need your help.
Mr. Lefkovitz: Sorry, Ginger. Nothing I do is gonna make a difference. Nothing I've ever done has made a difference.
Kimmy: You know, I thought you might say something like that.
[Kimmy unzips her backpack and pulls out a book]
Kimmy: I dug this up in the library, the P.S. Zero yearbook from 1994, your third year teaching here.
Mr. Lefkovitz: Yeah, and a great year to be a Montreal Expos fan.
Kimmy: It was also the year a graduating eighth-grader wrote this. "Off to Winston Zeddemore High, all thanks to Mr. Lefkovitz. I'll never forget what you did." Didn't make a difference, huh? You touched a boy and made him a man. And that man is here today. Mike, come on out!
[Mike enters]
Mr. Lefkovitz: Oh, crap. Is that Mike Stampone? You got so big.
Mike: You son of a bitch. You ruined my life!
[Mike pushes him against the lockers and begins beating him up]
Kimmy: Wait! But the yearbook!
Mike: Oh, yeah, good idea. Thanks.
[He begins hitting Mr. Lefkovitz with the yearbook]
Mr. Lefkovitz: Please, Mr Stampone!
[Kimmy pulls Mike away from him]



[A pug walks towards Lillian as she adds whiskey into her coffee mug]
Lillian: Oh.
[She stares at the pug eating a box of pizza]
Lillian: Titus... I got to go back for him.
[Lillian sees a bald baby doll head on a fence post and gasps]
Lillian: I said I'm going.



[Titus and Xanthippe are cleaning up the kitchen]
Titus: Look, not for nothing, but this was your stepmom's party?
Xanthippe: Yeah, well, bitches be trippin'.
Titus: Hey, you respect your stepmom. She step gave birth to you.
[Titus turns to face a clock and sees the time]
Titus: [gasps] Oh, no, magic hour...
[Xanthippe looks at him confusedly]
Titus: The time of day when actors photograph best, according to my queer cousin. I'll be back. You stay here.
[Titus rushes upstairs, and begins filming his final shot]
Titus: Last shot. Action, genius. [singing Peeno Noir]
[He rips off his construction worker outfit to reveal a more glittery outfit underneath, and Xanthippe walks in]
Xanthippe: What the WTF are you doing?
Titus: I can explain. You're in The Matrix.
[Lillian enters]
Lillian: Titus, I should never have left--
[She sees Xanthippe]
Lillian: Oh, you're in The Matrix.
Titus: I already used The Matrix.
Xanthippe: Yeah, I'm calling the police.
Lillian: You trust those clowns. Are you kidding me? You got rights in your own home. Shoot us.
Titus: Okay, look, I'm not a handyman, although that was my nickname one summer on Fire Island. We're friends with Kimmy. She asked us to come here to--
Xanthippe: Wait, wait. Kimmy let you in?
Titus and Lillian: Yeah.
Xanthippe: This is perfect. She is so fired.
Titus: Fired?
Lillian: I wish I'd never seen that pug.
Titus: Is that why you came back? That dog does not look like me, Lillian.
Lillian (simultaneously with Titus): Well, he was eating out of a pizza box, just like you Titus.
Titus (simultaneously with Lillian): One time I had to wear a cone because I kept biting my stitches.
Xanthippe: Oh, my God. When my dad finds out about this, it's bye-bye Little Dorkphan Annie.
Titus: Okay, first of all, that was weak. Second of all, you mess with Kimmy, and your daddy will find out about you and your friends trashing his home last night.
Xanthippe: [scoffs] You can't prove that.
Titus: Oh, really?
[Titus pulls a can of beer out of the trash bag]
Titus: Because I don't think Jacqueline and her friends drink cans of beer while wearing Slutsicle Orange lipstick from Ke$ha's Morning After collection, available exclusively at Hess gas stations.
Xanthippe: My dad cannot find out about this, please! He'll kill me. Or marry me off to one of his Saudi friends.
Titus: That's some high stakes. All right, I'll make you this deal. We'll help you clean up your party. You lay off Kimmy.
Xanthippe: Okay. Detente.
Lillian: No, no, no, this is Titus. DeTante moved back to Atlanta.



[Kimmy enters the classroom with a teddy bear]
Kimmy: This was the only thing in the nurse's office.
Mr. Lefkovitz: Yeah, that's the nurse. Budget cuts. They've got a cardboard cutout of Michael Jordan teaching gym.
Kimmy: I'm sorry about Mike Stampone. I thought you were his hero. His yearbook page said he went to high school because of you.
Mr. Lefkovitz: Yeah, he went to the worst high school in New York City because of me. He was actually accepted to Bronx Science. I was his advisor. I'm supposed to send this form so he could go there. Anyway, I didn't. I steamed the stamp off his envelope so that I could send a fan letter to Beverly D'Angelo.
Kimmy: Wait. You've always been like this?
Mr. Lefkovitz: A Fangelo? Yeah, ever since Vacation.
Kimmy: No! A teacher who doesn't care.
Mr. Lefkovitz: Oh, really? Really, Miss Whatever-Your-Name-Is? Would a teacher who doesn't care bring in Rising Sun for today's class?
Kimmy: That's Major League.
Mr. Lefkovitz: Damn it! See, this is what happens when you pack your briefcase in the dark. But the people who own the house don't know I'm living in the basement. So life's full of little compromises.
Kimmy: I can't believe I tried to keep you from getting fired.
Mr. Lefkovitz: Fired? I can't get fired. I've got tenure.
Kimmy: Well, Deborah in the office says one more S-C-R-E-W-up, and you'll never teach again.
Mr. Lefkovitz: Did she say that? What were her words exactly? This is fantastic!
Kimmy: What is wrong with you? Why are you so happy about that?
Mr. Lefkovitz: Why because it brings me one step closer...
[The scene cuts to Mr. Lefkovitz finishing the sentence, now in a different area of the school, gesturing towards a teacher's lounge]
Mr. Lefkovitz: To this.
Kimmy: To this what? I forgot what you said earlier, 'cause it took so long to get up here. You kept having to lie down in the stairwell, and then I had to get you juice.
Mr. Lefkovitz: You asked why I was happy. And I said, "'cause it leads me one step closer." And then I said, "To this."
Kimmy: What? It's just a teacher's lounge.
Mr. Lefkovitz: Just a teacher's lounge. Like the Montreal Expos are just Canada's second-best baseball team. Well, used to be.
Kimmy: The Expos moved?
Mr. Lefkovitz: See, it's almost impossible to fire a tenured teacher. So, if you're too incompetent to teach, they send you here. The union calls it "The Rubber Room." You get paid to sit around all day till they figure out what to do with you. It takes years.
Kimmy: Oh, my gosh. You're trying to get sent here.
Mr. Lefkovitz: And I'm so close. I've spent 23 years failing my way from AP Science all the way down to the last rung of the teaching ladder-- GED Prep.
Kimmy: You're not gonna get away with this. I'm telling the principal.
Mr. Lefkovitz: Yes, do that. It'll be great for you. 'Cause he'll probably replace me with one of those inspirational GED teachers you're always hearing about.
Kimmy: Nice try, Teach. Or should I say, "Reverse Teach"? If I complain, you get paid to sit in there, and I get nothing. They're not gonna replace you. The school's broke. They've been renting out the lockers as hotel rooms for Japanese businessmen.
[A Japanese businessman walks out of a locker]
Mr. Lefkovitz: Konichiwa. [to Kimmy] You complain, I win. You fail, I win. Face it, Missy, I'm a winner!
Kimmy: Well, I'm not giving up! Did Frederick Douglass give up when people told him, "You'll never invent peanut butter, pal"? I know all of that's wrong. I see now that he's holding a tennis racket.



[Titus, Lillian, and Xanthippe are cleaning Mr. Voorhees's study]
Xanthippe: I can't believe those guys. I told them to stay out of my dad's study.
Lillian: Ugh. Wait till you see what they did to your bathrooms.
[Titus points to a painting]
Titus: Who's that mean old lady?
Xanthippe: What? Oh, no. That's, like, my super-great-grandfather, Cristoph Voorhees.
Lillian: Ugh, the Dutch. I never formed an opinion about them.
Xanthippe: We also have his ivory legs and his mustache and the pipe he smoked as a baby.
Lillian: Ivory legs.
Titus: Where's the pipe?
[Xanthippe turns to see the pipe is missing]
Xanthippe: No! No, no, no, no. My dad will notice right away if this thing is missing. Where is it?
Lillian: Okay, I often find that things are in the last place I look. So let's start at the Dollywood gift shop. Who here is allowed to rent a car?
Xanthippe: No. I know exactly where it is.
[Simone is with her friends in the park]
Simone: And she stepped on the ball.
[The group laughs, until Titus storms in]
Titus: Hey, son! That's my pipe!
Dylan: No, it's not.
Titus: What did you just call me?
Simone: Give it to him, Dylan.
Titus: [Italian accent] You talking to me? I break-a your face.
[They hand over the pipe and then run away]
[Xanthippe and Lillian run to him, but Titus pulls the pipe away]
Xanthippe: Oh, my god, thank you--
Titus: Not so fast, MTV's Daria.
Lillian: Solid, T.
Titus: I give this back to you, Kimmy's off the hook, right?
Xanthippe: Yes, fine. Pinkie promise. I don't get you guys. You did all this for Kimmy? She's the worst.
Lillian: Sure, she's not perfect. She smiles too much, like a collie. And red hair, brown eyes? Guess God ran out of crayons.
Titus: But he wasn't out of whatever akes people good. Freckles, maybe. She's a good friend.
Lillian: Yeah. And what do you know about friendship anyway? Those kids you hang out with suck.
Xanthippe: [scoffs] Whatever. You don't know them.
[The two begin to walk away, but Lillian turns around]
Lillian: By the way, I counted 12 bathrooms in your house. Did I miss any?
Xanthippe: No, there's only eight.
Lillian: Run, Lillian!



[The class is watching Major League, where Lou Brown is making a speech]
Lou Brown: She put this team together because she thought we'd be bad enough to finish dead last, knocking attendance down to the point where she could move the team to Miami. Well, then I guess there's only one thing left to do. Win the whole...
[Mr. Lefkovitz snores, blocking out the swear]
Lou Brown: ...thing.
[Kimmy gets up, stops the movie, and begins speaking to the class]
Kimmy: That's it. Guys, there's something you should know. Mr. Lefkovitz wants us to fail.
Dong: Teacher want us to fail? You make-a no sense, Penis. Our success is his glory.
Kimmy: Hear me out. If we've learned anything in this class, it's the plot to the movie Major League.
Student: Wait, what?
Kimmy: Mr. Phelps' widow wants the team to fail so she can move the franchise to Miami, right? Well, Mr. L wants us to fail so he never has to work again. He's Phelps' widow. The Rubber Room is Miami. And I guess the school is Cleveland.
[The class murmurs in agreement, waking up Mr. Lefkovitz]
Mr. Lefkovitz: Oh, still alive. What's going on? You, you, with the talking, sit down!
As he stands up, it's revealed he's wearing a towel instead of pants]
Mr. Lefkovitz: I'm sorry, my roommate had to use the pants.
Kimmy: I thought there was no way to beat him, but I was wrong, 'cause we're all in this together, same as them. We just have to do what Jake Taylor said.
Dong: What's that?
Kimmy: Pass the whole fudging test.
Mr. Lefkovitz: No!
Dong: So we work together for the common good, the same way Vietnam win the war of American Aggression.
Kimmy: Yes, but read the room, Dong. Now, who's with me?
[The class cheers]
Kimmy: Thanks for the lesson, Teach.
[Mr. Lefkovitz shakes his fist at her]
Mr. Lefkovitz: Girl's name!



[The Peeno Noir music video plays, mixed with scenes]
Titus (singing): Peeno Noir! Caviar, Myanmar. Mid-sized car.
[Xanthippe is with her friends in the park, and when offered a flask, she passes it to the next person without drinking from it]
Titus (singing): You don't have to be popu-lar. Find out who your true friends are. Peeno Noir! In the boudoir. In the boudoir. It went to voice mail. Call it again. Call-- call it again.
[Lillian is seen leaving one of the Voorhees' bathrooms, and salutes to the American flag]
Titus (singing): Peeno Noir, smoke a cigar. Revenge can be spectacu-lar. Peeno Noir, Peeno Noir. Peeno Noir, Peeno Noir. Peeno Noir! Peeno Noir, leather bar.
[Mr. Lefkovitz glimpses longingly at a framed photo of Beverly D'Angelo]
Titus (singing): Oh, so close and yet so far. Peeno Noir, Peeno Noir. Peeno, peeno, peeno.
[Kimmy is seen studying with the class]
Titus (singing): Peeno Noir, you're a star. Listen to Tom Beren-gar. Peeno Noir, Roseanne Barr. Peeno Noir! Au revoir.
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